10 Things of my 2011

Here's a list of 10 things that I have learned in 2011


1.   Every successful person had to suck a dick to get up there

2.   I'm terrible at sucking

3.   People actually enjoy having shit as entertainment

4.   Saturday comes after Friday

5.   Horny people are abusing the vampires and ruining their image

6.   Entertainment is a temporarily escape and an inspiration of emotions

7.   An adult is a child that becomes its own parent

8.   I'm a leech of pedophiles

9.   People praying for Japan are very ironic

10. I can actually sing


Every year we learn different things, from ourselves, from other people and the planet.  The world is so big; too many things we wanna pick up and our life is way too short to cover them all.
For my 2012 resolution - Never leave a day without leaning something

Make everyday a learning

Speaking Death

To the people of my ethnicity, it is awfully rude to speak of the death of somebody that is still alive.  If I were to rate it, it is probably the most disrespectful thing you could say, regardless of the situation and whether the person is present or not.  As a matter of fact, I can't even joke about it.
Last time I did it, I remember having great time chatting and laughing with those people but as soon as I came up with a joke that involve about death, the whole group's face dropped as if I have actually murdered the person already.  That ruined my joke... and I killed the mood.

Death of someone still living is a subject of taboo... It's a bad omen.  And definitely not funny...

Everybody is either scared of death or old age.  I see no exception.  I understand talking about death is unpleasant because it is, after all, the end of the line and you will never overcome it no matter how strong, how fast or smart your human capacities allows you to be.  Countless people tries to immortalize themselves through different schemes and you seem to watch the same scenario over and over... whatevar...

For the same reasons, I think that is precisely why it is a better idea to speak about it.  Death.  Mentioning it should be as natural as the topic is.  It's by fearing to uncover the unknown that feeds the fear.  At that point, death will seem scarier than it actually is.  People needs to stop repressing it, ethnically speaking especially.  We should be able to talk about it naturally and even more to joke about it.  That being part of life.

The Woman at the Door

She's choking, puking, head spinning and sick as a dog.  She seemed homeless and was barely standing. Her left leg was paralyzed by this blood infection that was killing her.  Though it's not contagious.  She was going through all this.  Or so she said...  That woman knocked at my door this afternoon.  She was pleading for an ambulance call.  As for me, I was so fucking late for an appointment.  I was so in rush that when she begged for help, I considered shutting the door on her face and make her see the next door.

I left her outside, dreading any sorts of contamination, then called the police for an ambulance and god damnit why are they so slow on the phone!?  I don't have all day - I'm late enough already.  I kept telling myself I shouldn't have opened the door.  I asked the woman questions that the paramedic needed  to know, keeping distance from her.  She smelled cigarettes and drugs to the core.

She thanked me, but I just locked the door, leaving her on my front door to wait for the ambulance.  I don't care how rude I may be. I did what I could for her.  I wasn't going to invite a stranger in with some suspicious symptoms, well am I.  When I was getting ready to leave, someone rang the bell.  Whether it was the woman or the ambulance man, I ignored it.  Like, fuck this! I'm trying to put my socks on!! I already called the police and told them I might be gone by the time they arrive!

And then I rushed outside and saw that the ambulance has come.  They were carrying her inside the truck.  I knew then that all trace of regret of having opened the door was gone.  She seemed safe there and all was well.  I felt almost happy for her.


My sister gave me that karma crap afterward.  Ok, just to make things clear: whether karma is real or not, I don't give a [----]  I didn't do that for me - nor am I expecting any goody coming back to me.  I did it for her.  This homeless sick woman who knocked at my door for a little help.  I'm still late for my appointment

.

Dec 14th - Presence

My day... My frantic moment.  Glad it's over.  Nothing better than a good night of sleep and a delicious meal.  The next day, I would wonder why I was ever sad or angry or whatever at all.  It doesn't matter friends do not seek me during my day.  It doesn't matter I never had a birthday party or a friendly hang out during that day.
Your birthday doesn't give you the golden ticket for everything.  Time still go on, and the truth is no one cares that you are miserable.  So might as well be happy.

Last night, in a moment of desperation, I got a call and confessed a little...  And I knew that even if I had everything that other people could have during their birthday, there'd still be something that will be missing.  I realized in the warm arms of the loved one that this enough was what I needed that day more than any others.  To love and be loved (as corny as it may sound) and feel it.
Thank you sister, thank you lover.

December 13th - Birthday Wish

NOTE // one year after I wrote that: Warning; this gotta be my most emo era LOLOLOOL. cant believe i wrote that. its kinda weird re-reading this. haha..


I wish I had friends to hang out with.  I wish I had someone to celebrate my birthday with. I wish I wasn't as loser as buying my own cake.  Dec 13th is always the most miserable day of the year.  I wish it was erased from the calender and I might just as well do that from now on.

I always thought at some point that spoiling kids during their birthday wasn't healthy and that I will not succumb to this tendency if I ever had kids.  Like my own birthday, I will not go further than buying a cake, or make them buy the cake and sing the happy birthday song to them.  I will perhaps start giving presents only when the child is becoming a teen.
That's what I said to myself.
Now I think otherwise.  I thought I was happy I was raised that way, excluding the gifts part 'cause I obviously don't get any.
But actually... without going overboard, I now feel it is important to make 'em realize that they are important.  That they deserve celebrations and... the lot that comes with it.

Without that, they can end up a little bit weird...  low self-esteem for most of the cases, emotionally overwhelmed when their birthdays are celebrated...  to a point they may react inappropriately.

Is it normal a kid feels tormented that his birthday is being celebrated?  Let alone receiving gifts.  After all, he's not worth having a little group-up gathered for one common goal: him.  Wishing him a happy birthday.

I know it's not... but it's kinda imprinted into me already.  No wonder no one would go look for me anymore during that day.  I usually isolate myself during my birthday, because I don't feel comfortable that people would try celebrate it.  Yet... I wish I could like anyone else...   But honestly, as today, I don't think there's anyone who's really trying in the end.  I don't even need to isolate myself.  It's during those times I feel the most sorry for myself.

What's left

I traveled town to town.  My friend said he met a dying old shadow offering its boots that allows the wearer to follow anyone he tags on.  We tested them and ended up in this town so called "Erotic".  There were only women who swelled there with shameless delicacy... but they were hungry, and needed help.  I didn't have what it takes yet, so I journeyed to get back home.  In the mid-road, I got a ride.  The driver had funny glasses, like the one a friend gave me before leaving for another country.  Upon seeing mine, he said the glasses were wasted on me.  "It doesn't work like that", he said.

The driver left me in the border of my origin town and hold me in his arms.  For a second, I considered standing like this for a while... but in the end, I backed off.  Here, take my glasses.  I am a boy toy no more.  He left.  The sun is setting...  I looked down.  He left his shadow behind.

Karzaï woman raped

2 days ago, I read this news about this woman in Karzaï who just got released from prison, and simply thought the whole damn thing was the stupidest sh*t ever...
The reason that she got into prison is an outrage.  She is a woman, she got raped by her cousin's husband and so is condemned of 12 years in prison for having "a relation outside marriage".
......REALLY?  Getting punished because she got punished already?  Aren't you punishing the wrong guy anyway?  Why do women have to be punished for the crime of their attacker...  This, is ridiculous.

And the worse part to this disgusting law: the only way she could get early release is to marry her rapist.
.. what da ----------------------------------- fuck.
Imagine having to embrace the man who raped you.  Hell marry him!

I am so sickened and feel so damn sorry for her situation.  And knowing that so many other women had to go through discrimination such as this is making me desperate...
She had to give birth to her baby in the cell, apparently a common thing in Afghanistan..........

So guys have it easy there, you want this woman? Rape her and she's yours.  She doesn't have much choice anyway other than purging 12 years in prison.  'Cause apparently an innocent woman getting raped is more dangerous than the rapist himself and should be put under control behind the bars asap.  Such crime it is...