Love game

This may contain notes from a further past while i was just a child


"I just found the best game to know how the person feels (or doesnt feel) about you.  Today. Yeah.

It happened in the subway today as I was following him pretending I was heading home as well.  I stared at him, uncontrollably, because this was probably the last time I see him until an undetermined time, and also because he was simply irresistible to my eyes.

The staring game. (if you dont mind being a creep)

You stare at the person, and see how he responses...  Since I know how he feels about me already... this game proved to be very accurate in my case.  

If he doesn't care: he literally doesn't care about you

If he does stare and you try to keep your eyes on him, that is how clear your relationship is.

Because I couldn't last 3 seconds before either looking away or giggling.  He, on the other hand, was very indifferent. 

I think in a figurative way, if the person doesnt laugh, but eventually laughs after many effortful tries, this could hint that you might have some chance with the person if you persevere until the very end.

In another context, if the person does laugh, but in an unexpected moment (you tried to do the funny eye, the cute one, the sexy one, etc, all didnt work), this could mean that all the advance you do to him is useless, because the charm he might find in you, is where you won't expect it.

If you make the person laugh, in other words, thats a win.

(Of course you have to watch the way he laughs.. it could be one of those "this is ridiculous..." laugh. Thats an automatic Game Over, sadly :/)

This is all about intimidation.  If he finds you attractive in some ways, he will be intimidated by your stare.

As for me... I never won.  I was utterly crushed and defeated.  As expected."

In Hate of being In Love

You know what.  I think I hate being in love.  I used to think it was enjoyable cuz u feel like ur in a fantasy world, but its ANNOYING after all.

simply put, my IQ drops by 50% when its about him/her, whether that person is around or not! I become stupid and careless. It's like I don't have respect for myself anymore.

I do idiotic things that would lead me to a homeless and shitjob life. I'd even go as far as to travel a 3h traffic just to see a glimpse of a face for fucking 3 seconds.  I'd go in the opposite direction of my way despite the fact im late, so I can have a casual conversation with that person a little longer.  And I'll spit the beans to admit I'd fantasize during the most inappropriate moments.

And the worst feeling i don't wanna get into anymore is those fucking 1 sided-loves.  Fuck it's annoyingly painful.  If only I could control who I could fall in love with, that would be just great.

I think it's about time I confront reality.... I will never be with someone that turns me on. NEVER.  Because I'm off the game!!!

See it like this:
I am AQUA color.  But my type of guy is the type RED... that likes the RED type...

If I could choose... I'd be RED, but I was born and raised AQUA.  How sad those ppl who can't like or accept the way they are... I know AQUA is an awesome unique color y'know.. but I can't help it.. to stare longingly at the RED...

Quote I just found that describes my current situation pretty well:
- I hate being in love. I hate the overwhelming feeling of being lost in another person.  

4.   Unleashing the inner stalker. “I will only peek at her Facebook albums.” Seven hours later, you’ve saved all her photos and read every inane post on her wall. - Nadir Hassan

7.   The Bond-villain scheming. Well, she gets off work at 6 pm, so  if I take another two hours to file this report maybe I’ll run into her on the stairs and then I can tell her that her dress looks nice. Next thing you know, she’ll agree to marry me.  - Nadir Hassan

I asked a guy out...

This may contain self-notes from a distant past while i was just a child


"OMFG that went sooo wrong omg i just wanna kill myself!! i did it.. i did it.. i ask the guy out.. i mean just hang out.. omfg it was so fucking weird. thats the first time i asked a guy out. fuck im so awkward and so embarassed now. that guy just kinda tried to take it humorously. let me die already. he didnt say he didnt want to.. but i could tell. so i told him.. 'its kay if you dont want... let me know if you change your mind'. he went 'lolk'


This is humiliating.


seriously if could die of shame I wouldnt survive in this world
i better do my best not to think about it for now or i wont be able to stand on my feet the next day"

I miss Stranger

Is it normal to miss a complete stranger..?

Whenever you fall in love, you ought to ask yourself few questions, about that person as much as about yourself.  I very often ponder as to why am I attracted to that person.  And altho those questions are most likely about that lovely person, I always end up learning more about myself somehow, through what I really like and why.

So as to say, each time we fall in love, we learn about ourselves

Each time you fell in love, you become a new person. Each time I fell in love, I move, evolve, go through this and that. (and that is simply by falling in love, no dating just yet)