I'm going to japan

the 25th of June... Somehow I should be excited.. but the decision was so rushed in (was literally decided overnight) There's so many thgs going on in my head that makes me back off from this trip.. first family issues at home are still not fixed (and probably never will with the way thgs are going)

second.. the companies i'm with is just not i'd have expected if I ever go to Japan.  I thought I'd have a knowledgeable friend that could guide me here and there and knows Japanese as well.  But I'm with my friend who's not a japan fan, in fact she was an ex- japan hater (cuz she's from China).. so we're going to be 2 little kids lost in the blues lol sigh... I will have to explain all the basic thgs like whats a onsen, host club, harajuku, shinjuku district, visual kei, the fashion, manga store, matsuri, etc (all the places I intend to go)...  lets hope I can manage to make her appreciate japan the way I do during that trip...

3rd... money money money.... is it really the right time for me to have fun like that... I lent 2k to my sis last month so she can go to china... sured that I wouldnt need it this summer... now that I have paid my taxes and all.. I fucking need it o_o if one or 2 of my pay checks dont come out before my departure, im doomed.

4th and most important of all, TRAINING. im going to miss a month worth of wushu... and im going to miss my wushu mates competing for the tournament...

I'll stay in Tsukuba where one of my friend is staying.  It's a quiet place and he says ppl there done like strange activities so I won't be able to train outside or in a park.. T^T


putting all 4 issues appart, YES I can't wait to visit my heart's hometown.  Japan, where my heart always belonged.  What I grew up with.  And I won't be looking like a freak anymore, cuz everybody there will be just as freak as me, even more X)

And I finally wont need to hold back anymore
that I can't wait

We'll always be kids

hanging out with high school friends. #nostalgic feelings


my adorable dancer :D
my metrosexual ego  xD



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Master hangs in galleries

" jsuis un mad scientist. je fais gonfler des jujubes en oursons. 8D "

Erina Kamiya

wow that gotta be the sexiest thg ill be seeing this year :O <3

dafuq is wrong with me..

Last saturday, after training, I learned a confirmation to my fearsome doubts I had.  That guy (mr. S) whom I liked and that pretty girl (miss H) in my class were onto each others for a while in the past.  Obviously she was his type. Now I feel embarrassed to have asked him out in the first place on december.  He prob would've said yes to her... As she told me this (she doesnt know about my secret feelings for him)... my mood went increasingly and uncontrollably down.

I went to drink with some of my other colleagues for a change, including that cute little boy (mr. R) that was also in my class.  And there, I had my second hammer in the heart of the day.  We were talking about boyfriends and girlfriends (didnt mention my recent discovery tho) when he finally admitted to have confessed to that same pretty girl (miss H) 2 years prior.

That was a blown to my face.  The first guy Mr. S, I was sad from the revelation.. but the second, Mr. R, came to a shock to me.  Because the way he tells me what he likes in a person was so far from what would describe Miss H.

After this point, I told myself... What's the point to be a smarty and a strong woman or passionate or willfull or whatever shits cuz in the end, all it matters is how the girl is physically attractive.  Miss H is, to my eyes, not necessarily pretty, but quite cute and has a body of what I'd wish to have if I wanted a girl's body.  But in the other hands, plain and lazy and on top of that, very immature and too much public self-conscious.

What's so good about her, I told myself... So that I looked through few of her pictures on facebook... that girl is such a faker, she doesnt look like that face-to-face... well she can be quite the cute girl when she doesnt try to be... and she doesnt seem to realize this... haha that one is kinda funny...  And little did I know that by night fall, I became a stalker.
I then came accross some videos of her when she's having fun with her friends and... she is really hot after all...  I mean she doesnt have my favorite face but.. her little curves and long dashing legs are appealing...

When I went to bed, I started thinking about her.  I would really like to touch her in all honesty.  I only realized what I have done by morning... That I have been fantasizing about her all night.  I closed my eyes and opened them again.  What the fuck.  No.  I didn't just.. omg.. she is not my type of girl.  I like stronger women. I like stronger women.  Or cool guys y'know... cool guys are awesome... But I don't even think about Mr. S anymore...

cheesy love talk. again

Yo. I realized i've been speaking love like a lunatic lately  O.o  crazy what it can do... taking over priorities and subject interest off your mind >_>



Korean shop via mobile

3am. slept already

did overtime all week.. had 2 hardcore trainings on weekends and had to go back to work.  On sunday I was planning of sleeping at my friend's place but i ended up spending the night working out my ass to finish a damn project that started off good but went overboard.  They added so much now we can't see shit anymore.  Need to change job...

Staying the night not sleeping is just not worth it... makes u feel like u aged 10 years in the morning.

So my body was a wreck; couldnt  get to shower all night (I trained in the morning; that didnt help).  When I went back home at like 2 pm, took a shower, eat and all. went to bed. slept 12 hours. woke up in the mid of night and here I am awake and cant manage to sleep more than 12h ~_~ why am I still tired tho?

Love or Beloved

How can someone wander his/her eyes at someone else... when s/he already have someone that loves them so dearly... What a cruel immoral people we can be.

What do people usually go for..?  Someone that you love and loves you back.  Or someone you love excessively but doesn't like you that way?

Obviously, the first choice is by far the most healthy and balance option. Not always the easiest it seems..  one could be working on that so hard for so long... but barely manage do it in the end... until s/he drives him/herself nut.

I wish I could hear other people's similar exp. on this..

Confess... or not.

This may contain notes-to-self from very long time, so today it is different and i have move on...


"2-3 months ago, I decided that one day, someday, I WILL confess even if I know the feeling isn't reciprocated.  It was then I started to chat with him and try to be present to places where he would be...

...then I woke up one morning, I kinda got the hunch that my sentiments towards him is ridiculous.  Even to say, disgusting. I decided then I will never tell him how I feel.  Not only that, from now on, I must accept the fact he is not someone for me and he's out of my reach and that I must bury those feelings forever.

I worked on that for 2 weeks without seeing him and not look up to him on facebook and keeping myself busy so to not think about him. It was easier said than done but I did it. 

Yet... on this weekend training time, he showed up. It was fine, nothing fired up, I acted like he was an old friend that I haven't seen for a while.... until later in the training... he grabbed this weapon... and blast me away, if i were a man, i would've jerked off in that instant he swifted it.  How elegant, graceful and dashing!  I believe my feelings for him might have got triggered while seeing him wielding the weapon... I remember when I first saw him train with a weaponB as well... slamming the ground with it...  it was too much for my heart to take.  Each time he slammed the floor, my heart would pound unusually.

But he is not someone for me.  He is not someone for me.  I also know someone else I know that harbors feelings for him as well. It would be horrifying enough to let other knows the way i see him...  I must slice his name off my heart.."

Hard breaks

It's been 2 days I have been trying to break up with my bf.  It's harder than I thought, especially when I know i still care about him and we're so good together...

Just out of curiosity, I tried a staring game with him.  I always thought and described our relationship as very balanced and compatible... After 15 secs, we both laughed at the same time...