10 Things of my 2011

Here's a list of 10 things that I have learned in 2011


1.   Every successful person had to suck a dick to get up there

2.   I'm terrible at sucking

3.   People actually enjoy having shit as entertainment

4.   Saturday comes after Friday

5.   Horny people are abusing the vampires and ruining their image

6.   Entertainment is a temporarily escape and an inspiration of emotions

7.   An adult is a child that becomes its own parent

8.   I'm a leech of pedophiles

9.   People praying for Japan are very ironic

10. I can actually sing


Every year we learn different things, from ourselves, from other people and the planet.  The world is so big; too many things we wanna pick up and our life is way too short to cover them all.
For my 2012 resolution - Never leave a day without leaning something

Make everyday a learning

Speaking Death

To the people of my ethnicity, it is awfully rude to speak of the death of somebody that is still alive.  If I were to rate it, it is probably the most disrespectful thing you could say, regardless of the situation and whether the person is present or not.  As a matter of fact, I can't even joke about it.
Last time I did it, I remember having great time chatting and laughing with those people but as soon as I came up with a joke that involve about death, the whole group's face dropped as if I have actually murdered the person already.  That ruined my joke... and I killed the mood.

Death of someone still living is a subject of taboo... It's a bad omen.  And definitely not funny...

Everybody is either scared of death or old age.  I see no exception.  I understand talking about death is unpleasant because it is, after all, the end of the line and you will never overcome it no matter how strong, how fast or smart your human capacities allows you to be.  Countless people tries to immortalize themselves through different schemes and you seem to watch the same scenario over and over... whatevar...

For the same reasons, I think that is precisely why it is a better idea to speak about it.  Death.  Mentioning it should be as natural as the topic is.  It's by fearing to uncover the unknown that feeds the fear.  At that point, death will seem scarier than it actually is.  People needs to stop repressing it, ethnically speaking especially.  We should be able to talk about it naturally and even more to joke about it.  That being part of life.

The Woman at the Door

She's choking, puking, head spinning and sick as a dog.  She seemed homeless and was barely standing. Her left leg was paralyzed by this blood infection that was killing her.  Though it's not contagious.  She was going through all this.  Or so she said...  That woman knocked at my door this afternoon.  She was pleading for an ambulance call.  As for me, I was so fucking late for an appointment.  I was so in rush that when she begged for help, I considered shutting the door on her face and make her see the next door.

I left her outside, dreading any sorts of contamination, then called the police for an ambulance and god damnit why are they so slow on the phone!?  I don't have all day - I'm late enough already.  I kept telling myself I shouldn't have opened the door.  I asked the woman questions that the paramedic needed  to know, keeping distance from her.  She smelled cigarettes and drugs to the core.

She thanked me, but I just locked the door, leaving her on my front door to wait for the ambulance.  I don't care how rude I may be. I did what I could for her.  I wasn't going to invite a stranger in with some suspicious symptoms, well am I.  When I was getting ready to leave, someone rang the bell.  Whether it was the woman or the ambulance man, I ignored it.  Like, fuck this! I'm trying to put my socks on!! I already called the police and told them I might be gone by the time they arrive!

And then I rushed outside and saw that the ambulance has come.  They were carrying her inside the truck.  I knew then that all trace of regret of having opened the door was gone.  She seemed safe there and all was well.  I felt almost happy for her.


My sister gave me that karma crap afterward.  Ok, just to make things clear: whether karma is real or not, I don't give a [----]  I didn't do that for me - nor am I expecting any goody coming back to me.  I did it for her.  This homeless sick woman who knocked at my door for a little help.  I'm still late for my appointment

.

Dec 14th - Presence

My day... My frantic moment.  Glad it's over.  Nothing better than a good night of sleep and a delicious meal.  The next day, I would wonder why I was ever sad or angry or whatever at all.  It doesn't matter friends do not seek me during my day.  It doesn't matter I never had a birthday party or a friendly hang out during that day.
Your birthday doesn't give you the golden ticket for everything.  Time still go on, and the truth is no one cares that you are miserable.  So might as well be happy.

Last night, in a moment of desperation, I got a call and confessed a little...  And I knew that even if I had everything that other people could have during their birthday, there'd still be something that will be missing.  I realized in the warm arms of the loved one that this enough was what I needed that day more than any others.  To love and be loved (as corny as it may sound) and feel it.
Thank you sister, thank you lover.

December 13th - Birthday Wish

NOTE // one year after I wrote that: Warning; this gotta be my most emo era LOLOLOOL. cant believe i wrote that. its kinda weird re-reading this. haha..


I wish I had friends to hang out with.  I wish I had someone to celebrate my birthday with. I wish I wasn't as loser as buying my own cake.  Dec 13th is always the most miserable day of the year.  I wish it was erased from the calender and I might just as well do that from now on.

I always thought at some point that spoiling kids during their birthday wasn't healthy and that I will not succumb to this tendency if I ever had kids.  Like my own birthday, I will not go further than buying a cake, or make them buy the cake and sing the happy birthday song to them.  I will perhaps start giving presents only when the child is becoming a teen.
That's what I said to myself.
Now I think otherwise.  I thought I was happy I was raised that way, excluding the gifts part 'cause I obviously don't get any.
But actually... without going overboard, I now feel it is important to make 'em realize that they are important.  That they deserve celebrations and... the lot that comes with it.

Without that, they can end up a little bit weird...  low self-esteem for most of the cases, emotionally overwhelmed when their birthdays are celebrated...  to a point they may react inappropriately.

Is it normal a kid feels tormented that his birthday is being celebrated?  Let alone receiving gifts.  After all, he's not worth having a little group-up gathered for one common goal: him.  Wishing him a happy birthday.

I know it's not... but it's kinda imprinted into me already.  No wonder no one would go look for me anymore during that day.  I usually isolate myself during my birthday, because I don't feel comfortable that people would try celebrate it.  Yet... I wish I could like anyone else...   But honestly, as today, I don't think there's anyone who's really trying in the end.  I don't even need to isolate myself.  It's during those times I feel the most sorry for myself.

What's left

I traveled town to town.  My friend said he met a dying old shadow offering its boots that allows the wearer to follow anyone he tags on.  We tested them and ended up in this town so called "Erotic".  There were only women who swelled there with shameless delicacy... but they were hungry, and needed help.  I didn't have what it takes yet, so I journeyed to get back home.  In the mid-road, I got a ride.  The driver had funny glasses, like the one a friend gave me before leaving for another country.  Upon seeing mine, he said the glasses were wasted on me.  "It doesn't work like that", he said.

The driver left me in the border of my origin town and hold me in his arms.  For a second, I considered standing like this for a while... but in the end, I backed off.  Here, take my glasses.  I am a boy toy no more.  He left.  The sun is setting...  I looked down.  He left his shadow behind.

Karzaï woman raped

2 days ago, I read this news about this woman in Karzaï who just got released from prison, and simply thought the whole damn thing was the stupidest sh*t ever...
The reason that she got into prison is an outrage.  She is a woman, she got raped by her cousin's husband and so is condemned of 12 years in prison for having "a relation outside marriage".
......REALLY?  Getting punished because she got punished already?  Aren't you punishing the wrong guy anyway?  Why do women have to be punished for the crime of their attacker...  This, is ridiculous.

And the worse part to this disgusting law: the only way she could get early release is to marry her rapist.
.. what da ----------------------------------- fuck.
Imagine having to embrace the man who raped you.  Hell marry him!

I am so sickened and feel so damn sorry for her situation.  And knowing that so many other women had to go through discrimination such as this is making me desperate...
She had to give birth to her baby in the cell, apparently a common thing in Afghanistan..........

So guys have it easy there, you want this woman? Rape her and she's yours.  She doesn't have much choice anyway other than purging 12 years in prison.  'Cause apparently an innocent woman getting raped is more dangerous than the rapist himself and should be put under control behind the bars asap.  Such crime it is...

Ranma & Kenshin - live action

Ranma and Kenshin will be made live action.  Those 2 were parts of my childhood.  I am not gonna comment about how I find the casting... Even if it goes wrong, I am sure I will enjoy the tributes :)

Winter Air, Sunny Hair

Two days ago, I bleached my hair.  Because I felt like it.  Do I seriously need a valid reason?  "Why did you do that?"  It's like asking somebody why he would pierce his ears or change the paint of his wall room.
For the impressions btw, the moms don't like it.  My lover's mother says it's not pretty and my mother thinks I look like a delinquent.  It's fine with me.  My sister and lover like it, as I do.

I still need some time to familiarize with such pale hair (and I was actually aiming paler at first), but I gotta admit it feels awesome.  I was used to see transparent black curtain on the side.  Now the curtains are lightened up like it's always daylight.

It's homemade, like I always do.  Homemade always has its risk.  This bleaching had the option of waiting 20 - 40 mins. I stopped after half an hour.  At first it looked like I failed terribly, I had dark spot here and blond there.  But it didn't matter to me.  I expected I will be getting out of the toilet with everybody crying around me.  It's hair... they will get over it.  When it dried though, it looked uniform and spread.

I don't have a proper camera but thats what for now (photo above); sry for the facebookstyle angle lol

My hair a month ago :

Everything in Front of You

Enjoy the present, do not live in the past, look forward to the future but most importantly, be present.

We are repeatedly told and showed how much the present is such a gift that should be most cherished, but we never live up to it quite truthfully enough.

What I have to say to that... well... I guess in my opinion, the best way to enjoy the present is to realize what is in front of you, right now, at the moment.  You are here while It is, too; same time, same location.
If there is a song playing in the mall, shut your iPod that you can listen whatever day, and listen to the music that runs the ambiance around the mall.  If you are on a train or a bus, raise your head from your book and look at the landscapes that are exposed to you like a slideshow.
If it's been 5 years since you seen that family member and he's paying you visit... no matter how tired you are, how wrenched, stone or exhausted, try your best making memories with them before it's too late... you never know what might happen, when will be the next time, or if you'll ever see them again.  Living off regrets is just sad... and a searing pain in the ass. Avoid it, if you know you can...

City

Photo of the month

Ever fell for those characters?

Dear L... It must be 6 years.. 7 already?  It was indeed the first time I saw him close his eyes. I remember that day on the computer reading like a sleepless otaku. The first fictional character whose death really affected me in such a way that made me realize that


Sometimes, someone is so great, so great that I forget that s/he could actually die.


And so I wasn't believing it.   I knew there was a trick somewhere or that even if he really passed away, there is some way to make him come back, right? Right??
And the next chapter released... the next... and the next and so on.  He really died.
In the end, no matter how great you are, you are still a human.


lol talking about manga characters, I have a confession... My first love, ever, in this, has to be Vegeto.  No kidding lol Everybody were going over Trunks.  I thought Vegeto was the strongest, the most composed.  His voice combination the best!  It's really too bad his appearance was so short though :(  Gogeta is just too... I dont know lol... Vegeta better take over.


I think a while after that, Rhode Camelot got me. At first sight (or more like second).  Chapter 20. I couldn't figure out if Rhode was a male or female because of her speech and demeanor and that was deadly charming to me.  Her grins, her half-cercle eyes, her sadism and over all with her whole halloween air was just too irresistible.  She really got more feminine over the years though... and lost all of that... I still love her a lot.  Her gothic style is just the way I like it on a girl.  But I do really missed when she was all creepy and rude *sigh...*


And now, I gotta talk about Reno of the Turks... Yes.  Do you realise how many days there are in 2 years?  I have been checking up every update there could be anywhere everyday for the release of the movie!  I was posting in 2-3 forums that had intense talk about it and visited tons of sites everyday.  It was my obsession at that time.  That... and Reno lol The movie didn't picture him the way I saw him though. 'Cause I was all over Desha's Reno.  Her fanfics, I read them all and they are godly.  I just couldn't get enough of her Reno.  It wasn't long before I started screaming Linoouux XD in my head... (hey we all go through smthg like this at least once in our life right)  It's a shame I don't see Desha write anymore.  She is such a genius.  I hope she is doing alright.  


Okay... it's 4 characters already. I'll stop here for now... To be continued haha

Scarlet Face

My teenage biggest issue... Blushing.  It just gives you away during those worst moments possible.  It often doesn't even co-op with your real emotional state.  Just worrying about blushing even makes you blush.  The moment you know it's happening, you just wanna turn your face and walk away.  It can be so embarrassing.  I am not talking about those cute blushings, which I am unable to do by the way, where only the cheek surface gets little flushed, I wish... no.  The blushing has to cover the entire face up to ears and even without the color, your face looks kinda swollen like you've been punched several times and now it's all bloated ~__~
Not attractive.

I remember all those.. times trying to overcome those mortifying memories following an oral speech... urgh... I could honestly die on the spot.  Humiliation is such a self-conscious unease that can become so insupportable over time if you can't manage to forget them or let it go.  I feel like I'm dying from the inside every time.

And if you are someone who went through similar difficulties, what loss would be more convenient?
The faculty to blush? Or the feeling to be ashamed of it?

Love of my Everyday

A loving family, a baby or two, nice house, well cared..... That is not me.

When I think about it, ever since elementary school, every person that I have fallen in love with, counts to 5 people.  Each of them, the 4 firsts actually, circumstantially decided to date my best friend at the moment.  Amusing, isn't it?  I never felt jealousy or anger.  You see.. I never either confessed or even talked about it to my closest friends.  Reason is because I could never imagine being with either of them.  I am too... "different" from them... with my suspicious background and my weird demeanors and mentality...

The last person I fell in love with, is a normal person with the usual complex family background.  Good manner, high sense of humor, smart but dropped school in an early age.  Found work and living a normal life, supporting his family as I speak...

He makes me laugh, a lot.

What is "normal"?

This person returned my love.  To me, who had never conceived of being with someone, is this for real?  I can barely believe we've been together for 5 years already.  Five years.  Some ppl even gets married after 2 years. There is so much thing we still don't know about each others though.  In my heart, I'm still a boy.  

But his lifestyle is almost making me believe that maybe... maybe a normal life with a family, a nice house, well settled... a baby... could do just as good to me...

What I hate

If there is one thing that piass me off about new people that I meet or simply anybody, is this foolish ability to eat with eyes.  I point at people who turn away from dishes without even tasting, because the food doesn't look appealing according to themselves or they are simply disgusted not by the sight but by what "it" is without no further reason (moral, ethic, religion, etc). You could say that I promptly judge people for this situation, because this mannerism tells me this much:


1   You are superstitious and have been clinging to your non-exotic world way too long
2   Always eat the same sh*t
3  You have a snooty ego somewhere in you and need to collect your own food in the mud once in a while
4  You are reserved, you like routine and don't dare to try out new things
5  You annoy me


In the other hand, many people I know are bothered by my table manners.  Says I don't sit properly, I don't use the right utensils, I'm too noisy, I shouldn't lift the bowl off the table, etc... ok... alright alright.  Regards, I fix myself for their own good.  Even so, I always thought that they are missing the whole point of eating.

Trance

Why the umbrellas?  
Earth just taking a shower.


In the city where I live, 
the rain is still clean, for now.
Can your smell the scent while the rain is washing over the streets?  It's the middle of the day and the sky is barely displaying these faint light rays masked by dark clouds.  Isn't rain such an ideal moment to think, recollect, question and reason?


...And that's how we end up taking 20 mins longer than it should in the shower.  

Irrational Strength

Unbalanced harmony of an endless insanity; let it sleep...

I don't have a strategy.  I'm free and uncontrolled. 

lol This always makes me smile

Impulsive

This speech is paranoid.


I walked into the subway and as I was running to save my ride, I tripped like a simpleton. (and the door shut on my face..)  Would I have company, I would've laughed.  But I was alone.  Instead, I heard a loud and continuous muffled laugh of a woman ringing behind me.  It's no big deal, really.  Yet at that moment, I felt it was uncalled for but I didn't dare to turn back.  I wish I had... because right now, of all the songs in the back of my mind, there is this annoying insistent laugh mocking my fall. 

Flight's Rhythm

My brother has finally arrived to Seattle. Over 2280 miles away from where I live.  Distance is not a problem. Time is.  A year or two could shape a person into a whole new...  That's okay.


I woke up roughly before 5am this morning.  Mh I nearly forgot how dark the sky could seem during those early hours of Fall.  I caught up with the car 3 mins later.  Just enough time to brush my teeth, splash water over my face and grab some pants.  How queer. Since college, I've always had this thought that waking up early gives you the privilege to keep your pyjama on, if not, half way on.  Seems that not much people thinks that way, at least not in the airport.  This walk didn't appear to leave any footprints.


Good bye brother, take care...


It happened like a flash.  Usual morning, casual talk, like nothing is gonna happen and we will see each others tomorrow anyway.  I stepped outside; the sky was as bright as if someone just turn a switch on.