"Stop blaming your parents, it’s your problem"

I hate it whenever I hear that... it's so annoying. People that say such things have never stepped into our shoes and can't understand where we're coming from. it's like hearing "look doesn't matter" from a pretty person, or "money doesn't matter" from a rich.

We don't just "get over" being raised by a narcissist. Trauma don't heal with time alone or the moment you turn 18. Children of Narcissist come out of there with the need of therapy in order to function normally as an adult, that's how severe and brutal our childhood wired us. They wouldn't be able to fathom it

The insidious cicle

My Vul. Narc mom created us, and the generation continued..  

My brother was the golden child.

My sister was the scapegoat. 

I was the lost child. 

 

My brother led this life and eventually became a Grand. Narcissist himself. 

I became his scapegoat 

and my sister his enabler  

When I learned the source of all the narcism in my life: within my family, I felt a devastation similar to death. I mourned over a childhood I never had. I mourn over my brother who basically died while becoming an adult and left behind just an empty shell of who he used to be. I mourned over my mom who slowly and eventually died while raising us, leaving behind a demon possessing her being. It hurts... I loved them with all my heart.. And now I look on top of it all, scraps of what my family once was, like seeing the remain of your best friend's scattered around the batterfield knowing he got caught as a war prisoner. All of us, so broken. so dysfuntional.  

I always thought, how did I end up not being mentally challenged, how did I managed to be so healthy after such a screwed up childhood... I knew my childhood was bad but I didnt comprehend to what extent until I read about it and understood what the hell happened to us.  

Well, now I have my answer: We are not healthy. we are trauma survivors every single one of us. We all coped the situation differently based on our role and how we were treated.  

I can't help but feel like a defect... like I'm broken and cannot be salvaged.. and maybe i should stay single forever for the sake of anybody.. I know how irrational and victim-mindset this sounds like. I haven't had these negative thoughts for few years until recently when I discovered the narcissism within my family and I revisited my childhood. I was heart-sinking to realize the extend of what a sadly clichéd we all fit in the narcissist family mold

Sexual Abuse

People who were around survivors when the abuse was happening say things like "I didn't see any signs". What I would say in response to that would be "What elements were you looking at? What were being observed and interpreted?" One must consider all the behaviors, not just the behavior which is overtly criminal. The insidious behaviors must be considered as well. Person's words, mannerrism, gestures, and expression for example. As part of the manipulation, I would also mention gaslighting. This is a very powerful technique that narcissists use. The abuser will use the survivor's own insecurities and turn them against the survivor. The insecurities are more pronounced because of the abuse itself. So it's this vicious cycle that rewards the abuser for gaslighting. Their ability to gaslight become enhance due to their own abusive behavior. The more the perpretrator commits abuse, the more they can blame the survivor for what is happening to the survivor.  

- Dr. Grande  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXkfxTE46Ag

Revenge on ASPD...

They probably did something or several things that made it clear that they do not have a conscious, because their actions were just too extreme and well beyond the boundaries of social norms and downright cruel. They probably hurt you in a way that is almost impossible to put into words without sounding like a crazy person yourself. I get that... And they get that too, they just don’t care. I actually condone revenge in most cases, but when facing ASPD or any other cluster B personalities... it's probably not a good idea... You become the very person you want revenge on thereby destroying the good person within you. Fascinating how theyre working on making you into them and them into you... and little by little, if you lose to their demons, they really do end up absorbing you while turning you into them