"2-3 months ago, I decided that one day, someday, I WILL confess even if I know the feeling isn't reciprocated. It was then I started to chat with him and try to be present to places where he would be...
...then I woke up one morning, I kinda got the hunch that my sentiments towards him is ridiculous. Even to say, disgusting. I decided then I will never tell him how I feel. Not only that, from now on, I must accept the fact he is not someone for me and he's out of my reach and that I must bury those feelings forever.
I worked on that for 2 weeks without seeing him and not look up to him on facebook and keeping myself busy so to not think about him. It was easier said than done but I did it.
Yet... on this weekend training time, he showed up. It was fine, nothing fired up, I acted like he was an old friend that I haven't seen for a while.... until later in the training... he grabbed this weapon... and blast me away, if i were a man, i would've jerked off in that instant he swifted it. How elegant, graceful and dashing! I believe my feelings for him might have got triggered while seeing him wielding the weapon... I remember when I first saw him train with a weaponB as well... slamming the ground with it... it was too much for my heart to take. Each time he slammed the floor, my heart would pound unusually.
But he is not someone for me. He is not someone for me. I also know someone else I know that harbors feelings for him as well. It would be horrifying enough to let other knows the way i see him... I must slice his name off my heart.."
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